Myth or truth?

1. 1 Abba means daddy.

   Not true

   You hear it often, but language scholars show that abba was the ordinary, adult way to address a father, also used by grown sons. Jesus used it in Gethsemane, at the moment of deepest surrender: not what I want, but what You want.

   Source: James Barr, Journal of Theological Studies (1988); Mark 14:36

2. 2 A real man does not need friends.

   Not true

   The Bible says the opposite: iron sharpens iron, and two are better than one, because if one falls, the other helps him up. In an American survey from 2021, 15 percent of men said they had no close friend at all, compared with 3 percent in 1990. Other surveys find lower numbers, but the direction is clear.

   Source: Proverbs 27:17, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; Survey Center on American Life (2021)

3. 3 Fathers are not biologically made to care for a baby.

   Not true

   Involved fathers have as much oxytocin as mothers, the hormone linked to bonding. And fathers who are the main carers use the same brain area as mothers. In fathers, the caring brain grows by doing it.

   Source: Gordon et al., Biological Psychiatry (2010); Abraham et al., PNAS (2014)

4. 4 If the father does not go to church, only 2 percent of the children keep the faith.

   Partly true

   This comes from Swiss figures from 1994. It is true that with a father who does not go to church, only 1.5 to 4.6 percent of the children later attend regularly. But it only counts regular attendance, it concerns one country, and parents reported it afterwards. What does stand firm: the father matters a lot. Other research shows that a warm bond with the father in particular helps pass on faith.

   Source: Council of Europe, Population Studies 31 (2000), data 1994/95; Bengtson, Families and Faith (2013)

5. 5 63 percent of young people who take their own lives come from fatherless homes.

   Not true

   This number is widely shared in churches, but it cannot be traced to any official source. So do not use it. What is established: in the Netherlands, men take their own lives more than twice as often as women.

   Source: Statistics Netherlands, suicide 2025 (provisional figures)

6. 6 Without a father, a child always goes wrong.

   Not true

   Research that carefully separates cause and effect shows that losing a father has real effects, especially on behaviour, finishing school and mental health later in life. But the effects are smaller than often claimed, and not inevitable. God calls himself a Father to the fatherless.

   Source: McLanahan, Tach and Schneider, Annual Review of Sociology (2013); Psalm 68:5

7. 7 Men go through a menopause just like women.

   Not true

   In men, testosterone declines gradually, by about 1.6 percent a year on average from forty onwards. A real hormonal disorder in later life occurs in only about 2 percent of men aged 40 to 79. There is no sudden transition like in women.

   Source: Massachusetts Male Aging Study (2002); European Male Ageing Study, Wu et al. (2010)

8. 8 A man should not cry.

   Not true

   Jesus wept at the tomb of his friend. David wept out loud for his son Absalom. Joseph wept so loudly when he made himself known to his brothers that the Egyptians heard it. In the Bible, tears are not weakness.

   Source: John 11:35, 2 Samuel 18:33, Genesis 45:2

9. 9 The Bible says a man must rule over his wife.

   Not true

   Genesis 3:16 describes what goes wrong after sin, it is not a command. The command to men is in Ephesians 5: love your wife as Christ loves the church, and give yourself up for her.

   Source: Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:25

10. 10 As a father your testosterone drops, so you become less of a man.

    Not true

    It is true that testosterone drops in men who become fathers, most strongly in fathers who do a lot of caring. But that does not make you less of a man. In the Bible, manhood is strength under God: be strong, be a man, and keep what the Lord asks of you.

    Source: Gettler et al., PNAS (2011); 1 Kings 2:2-3

11. 11 Church father Chrysostom called the father the bishop of his home.

    Partly true

    Almost right. The image of the father as bishop of his home comes from Augustine. Chrysostom called the family a little church. Both meant the same thing: faith begins at home.

    Source: Augustine, sermon 94; John Chrysostom, homily 20 on Ephesians

12. 12 You are only a father if you have children of your own.

    Not true

    Paul had no children, but called Timothy his son and wrote that there are many teachers, but few fathers. Job called himself a father to the poor, and Joseph became a father to Pharaoh. In the Bible, being a father is also a role you can fulfil for others.

    Source: 1 Corinthians 4:15, Job 29:16, Genesis 45:8

Tip: read the statements aloud in your men's group and let everyone say first whether they think it is true.