Being a man

Before anything went wrong in the world, the first man received a task: to work the garden and to keep it (Genesis 2:15). Working is about building: labouring, making, taking responsibility. Keeping is about protecting: caring, staying faithful, watching over what has been entrusted to you. Healthy manhood needs both.

But your identity does not start with what you do. At the baptism God spoke his love over Jesus, before He had done a single miracle (Mark 1:11). Whoever follows Jesus may know: I am a son first, and only then a builder.

Look at Jesus

• He worked with his hands. Jesus was a carpenter (Mark 6:3).
• He sought silence. He withdrew to pray, even when it was busy (Luke 5:16).
• He wept. At the grave of his friend (John 11:35).
• He served. He washed his disciples' feet (John 13:4-5).
• He persevered. He set out resolutely for Jerusalem (Luke 9:51).

Also if you are single

Jesus was not married, and neither was Paul. Being a man does not depend on marriage or fatherhood. Paul writes that an unmarried man can devote himself wholeheartedly to the Lord's affairs (1 Corinthians 7:32). Your time and freedom are a gift to give away.

Loving like Christ

The Bible asks men to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and to give himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). That is not domination, but servant leadership: being the first to say sorry, the first to get up, the first to listen. And be considerate and respectful, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7).

Iron sharpens iron

Many men have colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances, but no one they are truly honest with. Yet the Bible says: as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17). And: two are better than one, for if one falls, the other helps him up (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). David had Jonathan. Paul had Barnabas. Jesus had twelve, and took three along to the hardest moments.

A first step: name three men who may call you when things are not going well. Don't have three yet? Start with one. The conversation cards below help to get the conversation going.

Listening without fixing

Men often want to solve things. But be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is: be quiet and be there.

Five habits of a strong man

• Start in silence. Jesus got up early to pray, before the busyness began (Mark 1:35).
• Look after your body. It has been entrusted to you (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Sleep, move, eat normally.
• Be honest about your struggle. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other (James 5:16). What stays in the dark grows.
• Be faithful in small things. Whoever is faithful in little is also faithful in much (Luke 16:10).
• Take rest. Six days of work, one day of rest (Exodus 20:9-10).

Purity

Job made a covenant with his eyes (Job 31:1). Many men struggle with porn or other hidden habits, and feel alone in it. You are not the only one, and you don't have to do it alone. No temptation is greater than what a person can bear, and God provides a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). Tell one man you trust. Light is the beginning of freedom.

Men cry too

David wrote psalms full of tears (Psalm 42), and Jesus wept. Stress, low mood and exhaustion are not weakness, but signals. Talk about it, and get help if it doesn't get better.

Working for the Lord

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). Your work is more than a salary: it is your place to build and to keep. Be honest when nobody is watching, and don't let your worth depend on your job title.

Money and generosity

Jesus spoke remarkably often about money. Whoever is faithful with little is entrusted with much (Luke 16:10-11). The borrower is slave to the lender (Proverbs 22:7). Provide well for your family, don't live beyond your means, and give cheerfully (2 Corinthians 9:7).

Standing up for those without a voice

God asks us to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Him (Micah 6:8). Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8-9). Look around: which neighbour, young person or single person can you help?

The legacy

What do you leave behind? The Bible speaks of telling the next generation what God has done (Psalm 78:4-7). A legacy is more than money: it is your words, your example and your prayers. The family manifesto below helps you write down what your home stands for.