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Wim Kamphorst

Being a father

Being present, blessing, giving boundaries and forgiving

My father was a man of few words, but he showed his love by offering help. Checking how you were doing. Five minutes and a cup of coffee were enough for that.

Wim Kamphorst

The foundation: son first, then father

You can only really be a father when you know that you yourself are a beloved son. Jesus taught us to pray "Our Father" (Matthew 6:9). Everything we want to know about being a father, we can learn from Him.

  • He blesses before you perform. The Father spoke his love over Jesus, before Jesus had done a single miracle (Mark 1:11).
  • He has compassion. As a father has compassion on his children, so God has compassion (Psalm 103:13).
  • He lets go and runs to meet you. The father in the parable let his son go, and ran to meet him when he came back (Luke 15:12 and 15:20).

Your own father

How you see God as Father is often coloured by your own father. Was he warm, absent, strict or unpredictable? Looking at that honestly is not betrayal, but the beginning of freedom. What was good, you may take with you. What hurt, you may bring to God and leave behind.

What kind of father are you?Ten questions about fatherhood, also as a spiritual father or mentorTake the testWhat your father gave youLook back honestly at your own father. What do you take with you, and what do you leave behind?Open the toolFathers in the BibleEight fathers, honestly examined: their strength, their pitfall and what you take from it.Open the tool

Spiritual leadership at home

The priest at home

Job prayed again and again for his children (Job 1:5). Praying for your children, and with your children, may be the most important work nobody sees. And bless them: in the Bible fathers speak words over their children that stay with them (Genesis 48:15-16).

Faith at the table and on the road

Talk about God at home and on the road, when you get up and when you go to bed (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Passing on faith doesn't have to be boring. A good question at the table, a prayer in the car, a story about what God did in your life: children remember it.

What does your home stand for?

Joshua said it out loud: as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15). A family without direction is led by the busyness of every day. Write down together what you stand for, and hang it up.

Write a blessing for your childChoose what you see in your child and what you wish for them. You get a personal blessing to speak out or write down.Open the toolTable questionsReal conversations at the table or in the car, with questions for each age.Open the toolFamily manifestoChoose your five core values, answer a few questions and print your own family manifesto.Open the tool

Relationship, character and formation

What a child needs from a father

  • Presence. Not just being at home, but being there. Phone away, eyes up.
  • Words of blessing. Children live off what their father says about them.
  • Boundaries with patience. Fathers, do not provoke your children or discourage them, but bring them up with care (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21).
  • An example. Children see more than they hear.
  • Forgiveness. A father who says sorry teaches his child what grace is.

Correcting, not settling scores

Punishment looks back and is about guilt. Correction looks forward and is about growth. God disciplines us for our good, so that we bear fruit (Hebrews 12:10-11). Calm down yourself first, then parent.

The team behind the family

One of the best things you can do for your children is to love their mother. Work together, discuss things away from the children, and show how you argue and make up again.

Father-child outingsChoose age, interest and budget and get original ideas for time with one child on their own.Open the toolLaw or grace?Six recognisable parenting situations. Choose your reaction and get instant feedback.Open the tool

Stages and legacy

Every stage asks something different

A toddler mainly needs safety, a teenager mainly connection, a young adult mainly trust. The growth timeline below shows what to pay attention to at each age.

Letting go and blessing

One day your child will leave home. Mark that transition deliberately: a weekend together, a letter, a blessing. At the end of his life Jacob blessed his sons and grandsons (Genesis 48 to 49).

You are a father, even without children of your own

Paul had no children, but called Timothy his beloved son. You can have many teachers, but not many fathers (1 Corinthians 4:15). I have been a mentor myself for years, and I see how many young people are looking for a man who makes time for them.

The legacy

Tell the next generation what God has done, so that they put their trust in Him (Psalm 78:4-7). Your stories, your prayers and your example live longer than you.

Time with your childHow many weekends, summers and bedtime stories do you have left? An eye-opener in numbers.Open the toolGrowth timelineChoose your child's age and see what they need from a father right now.Open the tool

Books that help

  • Nico van der Voet, Pa, wees een vent! (in Dutch)A Dutch parenting book written especially for fathers, from a Christian perspective.
  • Henri Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal SonAbout the parable of the prodigal son, and the heart of the Father.
  • Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day KnightHow fathers help their sons become men, with deliberate milestones.
  • Bert Reinds, Vader zijn met hart en handen (in Dutch)An older Dutch book about fatherhood from a Christian perspective. Sometimes still available second-hand.

Further reading on fluisternederland.nl (in Dutch)

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