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Men's evening: which man are you?

Ready-made, 90 minutes, for 4 to 20 men

Everyone does the test at home beforehand and brings his profile. That evening you discover how different you are, what you need from each other, and everyone goes home with one step for the next 30 days.

What kind of man are you? What kind of father are you?

A week before

Send this message to the men. The test takes about 4 minutes on a phone and nothing is stored.

Next time we'll talk about who we are as men. Please take this short test beforehand (4 minutes) and bring your result: https://wimkamphorst.nl/en/what-kind-of-father-are-you

Send via WhatsApp

Forgot to do it? No problem: men can do the test at the start of the evening on their phone, with the QR code.

The evening, 90 minutes

  1. 10 min
    Welcome and prayer

    Coffee, short introductions if the group is new, and a prayer. Read Genesis 2:15: God gave the man work and a garden to keep. Everyone does that in his own way.

  2. 15 min
    Round: this is me

    Everyone says in one minute: "I am … and you notice it when …". Give an example from this week. Don't explain or defend, just tell.

  3. 20 min
    Groups per profile

    Men with the same profile sit together. Take the card of your profile and talk through the questions. Is someone the only one with his profile? Then he joins his second profile.

  4. 20 min
    Mixed groups

    Form groups of three or four with as many different profiles as possible. Ask: what do I need from your profile? Where do we clash? And where would I go wrong without you?

  5. 15 min
    One step for 30 days

    Everyone picks one of the three steps on his card and tells the man next to him. Agree to send each other a message in two weeks: how is it going?

  6. 10 min
    Blessing for each other

    Pray in pairs for each other's step. Close together, for example with Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: two are better than one.

Tips for whoever leads

  • Go first in each round, and be honest about your own pitfall. Others follow your openness.
  • No profile is better than another. Say so out loud at the start.
  • What is said in the group stays in the group.
  • Print the cards below, one per profile, so every group has its own questions.

Cards per profile

What kind of father are you?

The Rock

You are there. Always. Your child knows exactly where it stands.

Your strength: Reliability, calm and safety. You keep your promises.
Watch out for: Showing love but not saying it. Few words for what you feel.

Talk about

  1. Do you know and feel how much you mean to me, and how could I let you hear it more often?
  2. When do you need words from me and only get actions?
  3. What do I often feel and never say, and why does it stay so quiet?
  4. Who needs me as a rock, and who needs me as a human being?

Choose one step for 30 days

  1. Tonight tell each child separately: I am proud of you, and name one concrete reason. Then do it every week. Marcus 1:11
  2. Write a short letter or message to your wife or child about what you appreciate. Give or send it before the weekend. Spreuken 25:11
  3. This month tell a friend something that bothers you, in two or three sentences. Begin with: I find this hard. Psalm 62:9

Joseph, the husband of Mary, who faithfully cared and protected without many words. Matthew 1:19-24 and 2:13-14

What kind of father are you?

The Guide

You give direction. You want to pass on to your child how life works.

Your strength: Passing on wisdom, explaining, preparing for later.
Watch out for: Preaching where listening was better. Giving answers before the question is asked.

Talk about

  1. When do I give advice when you actually wanted to be heard?
  2. What did I learn from my own father or mentor, and what did I miss?
  3. Which questions do I ask too little of the people I care about?
  4. Where am I a student myself, and who is teaching me something?

Choose one step for 30 days

  1. Today ask your child three questions and give no advice at all. For example: what did you like most this week, and what was hard? Jakobus 1:19
  2. This week ask your child or wife: do you want advice from me, or do you want me to just listen? Take the answer seriously. Spreuken 20:5
  3. Plan one ordinary moment a week to do something together, and then tell one story about a mistake of your own instead of a lesson. Deuteronomium 6:6-7

Paul, who called Timothy his beloved son and taught him what he himself had learned. 1 Corinthians 4:15-17, 2 Timothy 1:2

What kind of father are you?

The Playmate

With you it is a party. You connect with your child by doing things together and laughing.

Your strength: Joy of life, adventure, time your child will remember later.
Watch out for: Being the fun dad, but avoiding the difficult conversations and boundaries.

Talk about

  1. When do I avoid a difficult conversation with the children, and leave it to you?
  2. Where are my boundaries too soft, and where would the children find more support in them?
  3. Which enjoyable moments with the children could we use for a deeper conversation?
  4. What would my child say about me when it comes to honesty and clarity?

Choose one step for 30 days

  1. Take your child out for something fun and ask one real question along the way, such as: what do you sometimes worry about? Do it this week. Efeziërs 6:4
  2. Choose one rule you sometimes give in on and agree with your partner how you will uphold it together. Start tonight. Spreuken 22:6
  3. Plan a quiet moment once a week without play, for instance a quarter of an hour at bedtime, to listen and to pray. Psalm 127:3

Jesus, who called the children to him while the disciples wanted to send them away. Mark 10:13-16, Zechariah 8:5

What kind of father are you?

The Shepherd

You see how things really are. Your child can always come home to you.

Your strength: Closeness, comfort, forgiveness, noticing what others miss.
Watch out for: Being overprotective and finding it hard to let go.

Talk about

  1. Where do I keep my child too close to me, and where would more room do him or her good?
  2. Which worry do I push on my child, when it is really my own fear?
  3. How did it feel when I had to let go myself, or when someone let me go?
  4. What would it mean to truly believe in God's care for my child?

Choose one step for 30 days

  1. Choose one thing your child can do alone, like an appointment or a problem, and leave it entirely to him or her this week. Help only if asked. Lucas 15:12
  2. Each evening write down your child's name and pray one sentence: Lord, you hold him or her. Do this for two weeks and notice what it does to your worries. Psalm 121:3-4
  3. Tell a friend or your wife where you find it hardest to let go. Ask him or her to remind you of your trust, before the end of the week. Psalm 103:13

The father in the parable, who let his son go and ran to meet him when he came back. Luke 15:11-24

Also useful: the free app Davidshart brings the tests together, and you can challenge each other. Davidshart