What changes in you when you become a father
Many men think becoming a parent mainly happens to the mother. But a lot changes in you too, already during the pregnancy. Below is what research shows, with the source. Where the research is still small, that is mentioned.
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During the pregnancy
The brain of expectant fathers is already changing too. In a study of 40 expectant fathers from Spain and the United States, volume decreased in parts of the cortex involved in vision and in thinking about others. Some men even get pregnancy symptoms, such as nausea. This is called couvade and has been described in medical literature.
Source: Martínez-García et al., Cerebral Cortex (2023, first study); Lipkin and Lamb, Annals of Internal Medicine (1982)
Talk and read aloud to the bump. Pray for your child by name, before you have even seen them.
Psalm 139:13-16
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Around the birth
Around the birth, fathers' levels of prolactin rise, a hormone linked to caring for and responding to a baby. Skin-to-skin works for you too: in a randomised study with 29 fathers after a caesarean section, babies lying on their father's bare chest stopped crying sooner than babies in a cot next to their father.
Source: Storey et al., Evolution and Human Behavior (2000, small study); Erlandsson et al., Birth (2007)
Lay your child on your bare chest. You do not have to do anything, just be there.
Isaiah 40:11
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The first months
Your testosterone drops. In a study that followed 624 men for years, testosterone in men who became fathers dropped by about a quarter to a third, most strongly in fathers who spent three or more hours a day caring for their child. At the same time, involved fathers have as much oxytocin as mothers, the hormone linked to bonding. So your body tunes itself to caring. That this makes you less of a man, or that lower testosterone automatically makes you a better father, has not been shown.
Source: Gettler et al., PNAS (2011); Gordon et al., Biological Psychiatry (2010)
Take on a fixed part of the care yourself: bathing, feeding, putting to bed.
Psalm 103:13
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The more you care
In fathers, the caring brain grows by doing. In a study with 89 parents, fathers who were the main carers activated a brain area for alertness and emotion in the same way as mothers. The more hours a father cared for his child himself, the stronger the connection in his brain. In mothers the pregnancy mainly drives that change, in fathers mainly experience.
Source: Abraham et al., PNAS (2014)
You do not become a father all at once. You become one, every time you are there.
John 5:19-20
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When it gets hard
Fathers also become depressed around a birth. A review of 43 studies with 28,004 participants together found about 10 percent of fathers, with the most symptoms 3 to 6 months after the birth. If the mother is depressed, the chance that the father is too is higher.
Source: Paulson and Bazemore, JAMA (2010)
Depression is not weakness. Talk about it with your wife, a friend or your doctor. You do not have to carry it alone.
Psalm 42:5, Matthew 11:28
Does this touch something heavy? You don't have to carry it alone. Talk about it with someone you trust, or with your doctor. If you are thinking about suicide, please contact a crisis line in your country (113 or 0800-0113 in the Netherlands). Take a breath