When being a father is different
Being a father does not always go the way you expected. Choose what fits you. You find what the Bible shows, what you can do, and where to read it.
You are a stepfather, foster father or adoptive father
Jesus grew up with a man who was not his biological father. Joseph took Mary and the child into his home, protected them and taught Jesus his trade. And God himself adopts: whoever belongs to Him is adopted as a son or daughter.
What you can do: You do not have to take someone else's place. Be reliable, choose regular moments together, and let the child decide how quickly they trust you.
Read: Matthew 1:24-25, Luke 2:51, Romans 8:15
You are divorced and do not see your children every day
You can bless even from a distance. Jacob blessed each of his sons separately, with their own words. And God remains Father, even when a family falls apart.
What you can do: Make the time you have into a regular ritual. Never speak badly about your children's mother in front of them. A short blessing by message or phone counts too.
Read: Genesis 49:28, Psalm 68:5
You have lost a child
David wept for his son Absalom: if only I had died instead of you. Job tore his clothes and sat for seven days in silence with his friends. The Bible makes room for grief, and God says He is close to the brokenhearted.
What you can do: The grief of fathers is often overlooked. Talk about it with someone you trust, and seek help when it becomes too heavy.
Read: 2 Samuel 18:33, Job 1:20-21, Job 2:13, Psalm 34:18
You have no children, or long for them in vain
Abraham waited for years and asked God: what will You give me, if I remain childless? God took that question seriously. Paul had no children, but became a father to Timothy and to whole churches. And Isaiah promises those without children a name better than sons and daughters.
What you can do: Your longing is allowed to be there, also in prayer. And look around you: which younger man or which child needs someone who believes in him?
Read: Genesis 15:2-6, 1 Corinthians 4:15, Isaiah 56:4-5
Your child has a disability
David sought out Mephibosheth, Saul's grandson who could not walk, and gave him a place at his table for ever. When the disciples asked about a man born blind whose fault it was, Jesus said: no one's, God's work must be shown in him.
What you can do: Your child does not have to become different to be blessed. Look for other fathers in the same situation, and take rest: you carry a lot.
Read: 2 Samuel 9:7-13, John 9:1-3
Your adult child has left, or let go of the faith
The father in the parable did not stop his son, but kept watching for him. When the son came back, there was no sermon, but an embrace.
What you can do: Keep praying, keep the door open and seek contact without conditions. You cannot force your child, but you can keep loving.
Read: Luke 15:11-24
Does this touch something heavy? You don't have to carry it alone. Talk about it with someone you trust, or with your doctor. If you are thinking about suicide, please contact a crisis line in your country (113 or 0800-0113 in the Netherlands). Take a breath